Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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