He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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