who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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