By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
