It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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