stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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