then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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