Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
