I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
