piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
