yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
