Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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