why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
