You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
