Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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