So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
