i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
