Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
