home. puking in laundry basket.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
