You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
