So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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