Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
