We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
