I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
