i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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