clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
