After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
