New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
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