separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize