I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
