did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
