thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
