That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
