Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
