I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
