I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize