well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
