I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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