I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
