Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize