I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
