Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize