she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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