Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
