I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
