A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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