And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
