sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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