He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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