with your own penis?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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