Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
