what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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