Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize