any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
