Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
