If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
