Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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