Michael Bay diarrhea
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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