ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
