god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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