My brain says no but my pants say off.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Vodka?
Forever.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize