Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
