Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
