Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
