Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
