My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
