I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
