I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
