We're like a lot better than the average bears
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
