i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
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