i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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