remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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