HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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