Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
