I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
