somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Dicks are not precious.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
