he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
