that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
