the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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