you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
