My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
