I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
