I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
