For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
