I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I need moral support for this bender
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
