Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize