I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
