We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
