Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
