Just fell off a train. Bad.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
