i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
