woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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