Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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