i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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