took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
