Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
